Conversations With Conservatives, Or How I Learned To Have Fun With And Annoy The Right Wing

Tim Fleming, author

I have many conservative friends, and, prudently, when in their presence I avoid the usual dangerous topics when I can: religion, politics, history, taxes, etc. But every now and then a polemic discussion rears its inevitable head, and I can’t fight back the urge to inject my subversive, sarcastic, and eristic words. Such an occasion happened recently. I have here reconstructed an old conversation and combined it with new material derived from a chance meeting with the conservative just last week:

CONSERVATIVE: I know you don’t believe that Jesus Christ is your Lord and personal savior.

ME: Well…now that you mention it. The rationalist in me wants to parse that sentence. The phrase “My Lord and personal savior” sounds threatening. Like I’d better believe or else. As if someone is trying to control my thoughts and actions…and if I do not conform (meaning blindly believe that there is an all-powerful…

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