Some tips for surviving at World War III

 

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As you know, my dear readers, there’s little time left to World War III. Yesterday I did a lot of research. And as smart, wise and emotionally dog, in here I saw fit to give some tips about the WW3. You ask why? Of course, to save you! Already, if the dogs had not been on this planet, the people wouldn’t have taken even one step!

Anyway, I have to be calm for the sake of Earth!

First of all, Switzerland will be neutral zone again; so going to Switzerland could be a solution before the war. If you couldn’t go and stayed in the middle of war, here is to do list.

Never and never join an alliance which Germany and Turkey are in together. History shows that the result of these two countries’s alliance always defeated. If you are in the military of a country of this alliance, you can change your side, no problem. I don’t think anyone would blame you because of that.

To use Made in China antiaircraft can be dangerous, there is possibility that it explodes in the air without reaching the target. If possible, choose not to use.

If you’re fighting against Japanese, you need to calm down more than usual. Because, you can shoot accidentally someone who wants to make peace. As we know well from Japanese Animes, Japanese are the people who are yelling at the most emotional moments, even in their internal feuds. Be careful, don’t kill that Japanese who may be next hero that will build world peace.

Remember Call of Duty game during the war, and you give priority to use the weapons that you used in the game. When you see many things that you learned from the game, you can be surprised.

Forget Lao Tzu’s words about the philosophical war art. Today, they are not useful. There are more new techniques in today’s. For example, I talk about a technique accepted by the war historians no longer. It’s called “Obi-Wan kick ass technique.” Each of us, we remember final battle scene among Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker at the third episode. How Obi-Wan had won round? By taking high himself! Obi-Wan had warned to Anakin at the last second even with these words:
“It’s over Anakin, I have the high ground!”

This is the proof that you will win if you are high during the combat. If you’re in a flat land, you dig the pit quickly and throw the enemy into it. In any case you find a way to stay high!

Don’t worry about the religions. If you notice that you will be caught by bigot Muslims, immediately you find a circumciser. If you were caught by bigot Christians, then you can say “I was born as Muslim, but I have changed religion, I am Christian now, plus I can help your church with my money”. So, forget the religious rules, the important thing is to survive! Already you think God wants this; if you don’t live, the number of God’s followers will be reduced, and it doesn’t suit his book.

In today, wars are not limited with the fronts anymore. There are also some things you can do from the battlefront when you don’t fight.

As you know, the war makes the rich more richer and makes the poor more poorer. But my friend, you’re not rich! That’s why you battle chest to chest at front! But there are some formulas make you rich on a small scale. For example, you fought all day, in the evening with at least 20 people in the military barrack, of course you can not easily sleep. Evaluate this time! You will immediately go on the internet. You can broadcast the emotional and sorrow videos that you shot within today with combining a song such as “imagine” over YouTube. Video title might be “Brother! This is not your fault; this is not my fault” for example. When the video gets rating record, you can be YouTube rich; of course if you were not dead still during the war.

On the other hand, you can open a signature campaign “the war must end” on change.org. In this way, you can show how sensitive you are, and you might be a hero among the girls.

-Is there any tips for me, WD?
-Oh, here you’re. These all are also valid for you Migo, but you don’t worry yet.
-Why? If there will be war…
-Slow Migo, slow. First of all, if the war breaks out, there are some rules. First of all, active human soldiers fight, after them the retired soldiers will be called, after them the extraterrestrials will be called to the war.
-If I get that call, WD?
-Don’t worry, I am with you Migo, even at the war. Do you think I will leave you alone into the human wars! Kidding me! Already we know that my war videos would be more popular than yours!

 

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For the love of Vodka!

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Vodka galore! Siberian man tunnels under store to steal 60 bottles of the hard stuff

A thirsty Russian drinker dug a secret tunnel under a store to steal 60 bottles of vodka. He was caught drinking the stolen goods with his buddies – and yes, only 10 bottles were left.

A 32-year-old Russian man has been detained in the town of Kiselyovsk, over 3,500 kilometers east of Moscow, on charges of robbery. The damage is estimated at 12,000 rubles ($150), and the man faces as much as five years in jail, the local Interior Ministry said Thursday.

The store was situated in an old barracks, and the alarm went off three times during the robbery. The man entered the store three times through his tunnel to carry off more booze.

Every time security guards arrived at the scene, they didn’t notice anything they would consider suspicious: the doors and windows were untouched.

“Investigating the crime scene, we established that the thief had dug a tunnel under the store, then tore up the floorboards and got in,” police said.

When the man was caught, he was drinking the vodka he had stolen. His brother was his drinking buddy.

By that time, only 10 bottles were left: the unlucky thief had given most of the stolen spirits to his friends. He also told investigators that he managed to steal the 60 bottles in three trips.

news quote: https://www.rt.com/news/332177-russia-stolen-vodka-tunnel/

 

Some honest, impartial and immoral news!

“Honest, impartial and immoral news” is the slogan of the Zaytung which is most popular humor web site in Turkey.

Zaytung news seem always absurd but mostly contain satire. The opponents in Turkey share Zaytung news on social media often. The news Zaytung made are not real in reality, but these news make lampooning over the events what really happen.

In meantime, I should add that there are some events happened in Turkey that the people of Turkey cannot really understand these are Zaytung news or not.:) For them, describing “As Zaytung news” is used among the people.

The link of Zaytung: http://zaytung.com/index.asp

Anyway I hope you like these news like me, here is some of Zaytung news:)

–These two are about Turkey-Russia crisis. You know last two days there are the news about Russia made second border violation to Turkey with war plane:

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“Netherland Prime Minister Mark Rutte said Vladimir Putin with anger: “I don’t know it is about the similarity flag or not, but they have attacked to us again! Are you happy!”
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“After second Russia border violation, Netherland flag has changed. This is the new Netherland flag.”

–The disagreement among Turkey and Russia came out about the subject of the groups which will attend Geneva Conference for refugees crisis, for represent of Syria. While Turkey government says “we cannot accept the some Kurdish groups,” Kremlin was saying “they should be at there”. This Zaytung news is about this:

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After the showdown, Andorra that the only country which will join to Geneva talks, is confused: “What was the issue, bro?”

This news details contuniue like that:

“As understood from the mutual statement, Andorra which its attends will never bother the anyone has stepped up the researches to understand what the issue is in Syria.

Minister for internal affairs of Andorra said “I’ve found myself unexpectedly at Geneva, and as first impression that we suspect some unpleasantness events in Syria were lived .” And he added:

“It is obvious there are some things, if the invitation came to even us… According to social media news it has been said there is a war… We will keep anymore. I’d want that they should be face to face, but it seems difficult. Look at these, UN, NATO, USA, Russia, UN Security Council, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Syria, YPG, ISIS end etc. For the sake of God, we are very small country! Which unscrupulous wants to pay us the bill! They skin us alive!”

–This Zaytung news about Turkey’s good(!) relationship with the other countries:

Perú será sede del periodo de sesiones de la CEPAL en el 2014
Peru that hasn’t been subject for Turkey into last 12 years, opens course about “how I hid myself from Turkey” within UN.

The details of this: Peru that succeed to run away during last 12 years(12 years is this government period) from the radar of Turkey which has the potential to have problems with almost every country, gets into act. Statesmen of this succesful country will share the secrets of living in peace without being subject by Turkey, with members of UN.

“We want to share our experiences” said Peru’s foreign minister continued his words: “We invite all countries the course that we’ll open. In return for insignificant fee, we will share some formulas which will make comfortable to each country far away from Turkey’s radar for years.”

–This Zaytung news about freedom speech(!) in Turkey:

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TUBITAK (Science and Technical Research Council of Turkey), has developed system that can detect 4 minutes ago from the insulting to the president Tayyip Erdogan

TUBITAK ongoing scientific work without a break, finally run the systems that can detect up to 4 minutes before to insult to Erdogan. So far the best result for half an hour delayed insults were detected, henceforth the insults can be prevented by identifing 4 minutes in advance…

–This one about refugees crisis:

With 4000 years old sunken-ship which was found near by Mugla city coast of Aegean Sea, the refugees tragedy from Mesopotamia to Europe came out the light.

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