To fulfill the accession criteria of EU

Before, I had shared some Zaytung news with you my Earthling friends. Firstly for the new ones, I should explain what Zaytung news are. Zaytung web news site is giving false humorous and satire news in Turkey. These news are fun and false but even some times some abnormal things would happen in Turkey that people use for them “it is like Zaytung news”. In last years this describing has been using too often in Turkey. So we can say that some things can be abnormal for the rest of the world but in Turkey same things are very normal. πŸ™‚

As I have made before, I will give the real Turkey’s agenda news, after I will add the Zaytung news which is related with news.

Except Syria refugee crisis, economic crisis and terrorism and politics, Turkey’s most important agenda item for the last 4 weeks was about a killer. Atalay Filiz who is Turkey’s first serial killer, was wanted for 4 weeks. He is well-trained, took post graduate at France and speaks well foreign languages more than one. All denunciations in Turkey were reported to the police, tv programs have pursued the man in live broadcasts. There was not a serial killer than before Turkey! That’s why it was very excited. Almost 75 million population of Turkey was looking for Atalay Filiz. He was seen latest in city of Izmir, and even Greece police has been put on alert for his escape suspicion to Greece. Eventually he was caught last weekend. When he was arrested by the police officers, the officers have taken a selfie with him. Yes, these happened and true. πŸ™‚ Now here is zaytung news on the subject.

Atalay Filiz, who is our first serial killer in the Western sense, has gave a hope to Turkey for right to participate of EU

EU membership of Turkey which has achived an educated, presentable and systematic working serial killer who Turkey has been longing for years, has been revived. EU Minister of Turkey, Omer Celik stated that they will bring the subject to the negotiating process and he shared Turkey’s new EU vision with the words of “In the worst case, we aim that this event is to be accepted instead of human development criteria of EU.”

Historic opportunity

Atalay Filiz who came to the fore at agenda of Turkey with series of murders he commited in Ankara and Istanbul, couldn’t escape the attention of Minister of EU of Turkey. EU Minister of Turkey, Omer Celik who stated that they carefully examined the subject, first began his talk by wishing the mercy of God to the victims, said these words:

“But I believe these citizens who murdered by Atalay Filiz, they did not die in vain. How our people lost their lives in our War of Independence, or due terrorism, how they sacrificed themselves for this country, these citizens in the same way. I look them as martyrs who given their lives in accordance with our EU vision. Because you know, this type killers are very rare, they show up in the high development level places like Europe-America in generaly. Of course also for the emergence of a serial killer, some ones, at least 3-4 people need to record as victims on this road they sacrificed… I hope I told what I meant.”

Serial killers are not in every country!

EU Minister of Turkey who underlined that even if some full member of the EU countries like Slovenia or Bulgaria yearn for a serial killer in this standart, continued his words:

“When they told me Atalay at first, I said that okay; if it needs an education, yes he has! If it needs a type, yes he has! If it needs an unsettling calm in his eyes, yes he has! He is quite different from our understanding of traditional killer who kills own family with a moment of insanity and after delivered himself to the nearest police station. In this sense, Atalay Filiz is an example who satisfied the need of human development criteria of EU accession negotiations by himself. If EU is even little bit sincere, they will not ignore such an example. Now, the ball is in EU’s court…”

Preparations are being completed

Lastly, EU Minister of Turkey, Omer Celik said that they prepare the necessary documents to move the issue to the European Union. After that he stated that they would enter into a coordination working with the Ministry of Interior to catch the serial killer in an appropriate standard of security forces…

Following the press conference, the Ministry of Interior issued the tender on the official website. According to tender, the needs:

-Hannibal style iron mouthpiece

-An African American partner who will be given next to the police commissioner to follow serial killer

-A sufficient amount donuts for patrol

-Far eastern forensic experts who will be in the background at the scene

This news can be true in a day? Yes, it can be true in a day at future. This place is Turkey on the planet Earth, and there is almost no normal event in political sense in here πŸ™‚

And, some other Zaytung news:

In the context of the ongoing US investigation about Reza Zarrab, prosecutor Preet Bharara submitted new documents to the court. 8th grade report card of Reza Zarrab inside the documents were joyfully greeted in Turkey. In his report card it is seen that kiddie Reza Zarrab failed history and religion lessons; and he passed the class with decision of school board despite he took E from math, German language and Turkish. But this gave a hope to millions students of Turkey. The students said that “Despite this report card, even so can be very rich, wow!”

The reply for Erdogan’s letter to Putin, came from the Kremlin:

“We made plane from the letter paper and threw the window. It didn’t fly bad actually, but it is not a SU-24 of course. Anyway, you pay the compensation anymore…”

While the high school students protests are continuing almost entire country, Kuleli Military High School students who turned their back at graduation ceremony had been shock with the commander’s order “about face!”

Thousands of people came together in Bayrampasa Central Mosque before Euro 2016, they made the funeral prayer in advance for the ones who will lose their lives especially due to terrorism, natural disasters and other causes and possible our martyrs over the next one month. The citizens who expressed that they will not be too much interest in such matters during Euro 2016, they turned back their homes at peace which was brought their last respects to the martyrs, after they chanted slogans condemning terrorism.

Quotes were taken from:



10 thoughts on “To fulfill the accession criteria of EU

  1. You can’t join the E.U. without having at least one psychopath in your midst, and it’s better if you have enough with which to form at least one battalion of ‘special ops’ personnel, but preferably dozens or more. Good news, then, if that’s what Turks want, but I can’t for the life of me understand why, given what the E.U. currently stands for, they would want to join. My advice to Turkey is hide its Atalay Filiz(es) should ever another turn up. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re definetly right! And I don’t understand why they insist either. Probably to join EU has been using such a magical stick for the ignorant people at Turkey. So many rational people I know or I hear their words, they don’t want to join EU.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is the funniest thing ever πŸ™‚ !!! I have been laughing out loud. Thank you for this good humor! I love this Turkish brand of humor!! It is very unique.

    Of course it is sad about the victims, but this zaytung has shown the ridiculousness of wanting to join the EU. Why join a union which is falling apart? Why aspire to an economic system which produces such sick people as serial killers? The humor is brilliant!

    By the way, we had a publication in America called The Onion which was like this zaytung news. So people would say, “This event sounds like something from The Onion” because it was so laughably weird.

    I can’t believe the police took a selfie with the serial killer! What a world!!!


    Liked by 1 person

    • I am happy because of it made you laughed a lot, dear Paul:) And I see that you well understand more Anatolian culture day by day! That’s great! You know we’ve talked about this subject before, Anatolian lands have multi culture which came from thousands years ago, and you also know, worst managements have been ruling in these lands. And for not to be insane, people use humor:))

      To be member of EU for Turkey seems like a joke more than years. This subject is another insanity issue; and under these terms, it is not possible not to use this subject for humor.

      By the way, I didn’t know, The Onion in US. It is exciting! I will check as soon as possible their web page, thank you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Beats me why Turkey still wants to join the EU. Switzerland has just withdrawn their application and polling shows a majority of British voters plan to vote for Britain to leave. As far as I can see, the EU systematically undermines democratic processes in member countries and greatly enables control of government by multinational corporations. Clearly the only way for citizens to have any real input into government is through small, localized governing structures that enable them to have direct input.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t have any idea why they insist become a part of EU either, Dr. Stuart Bramhall. I guess,after all members of EU will leave EU, Turkey will be only one member of EU. Maybe, in this way, the absolute power dream of some of the politicians of Turkey would become true:)


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