Some Zaytung news

I had made two posts before about Zaytung news. My Earthling friends already know what are Zaytung news. But for the others I should make an explanation about Zaytung. Zaytung is a Turkish web-page which is making humor, black humor and satire news. Zaytung banner has got these terms about itself “Honest, impartial, immoral news.” But sometimes, some real events can occur that can be equal with Zaytung news. And for them there is describing in Turkish as “like Zaytung news”. And here some of Zaytung news for last weeks.

While speaking the state of emergency, coup attempt and crisis, the belief about entering 2017 of Turkey which started to talk about the mobilization now, is getting weaker.

2016_turkiye

After President Erdogan’s announcement in today, the citizens who found themselves in the conversations about mobilized, are confused. The hopes of the millions who are trying to finish the year of 2016 which is passing as thorny, are getting weaker, also the expectations have been drawn back the level of the watching the new season of Survivor.

The last days are not passing

Turkey which has been living in the state of emergency for a while, said hello to the mobilization agenda as of today. Citizens, who have succeeded to reach the middle of December by fitting the events which can be experienced in 30 years in any country on the world, into 11 months, they are trying to prepare themselves for a forever life inside of 2016, while losing their faith about the finish of 2016 at the last remaining 15 days.

Inception syndrome

While the experts call this situation ‘Inception syndrome’, Turkish Psychiatric Association President Ayhan Oztunca listed the relevant determinations as follows:

“Honestly, when asking “how long the state of emergency has been resuming”, the people cannot give a clear answer. How much time has passed since last year is blurred. The brains of some of them spread their lives in 2016 to 20 years. Please test yourself immediately, at the begining of 2016 Ahmet Davutoglu was the prime minister. Did you remember, the smiling man with the glasses. You couldn’t remember, could you? Well, how many explosions have been into last 1 year? Or, when was the airport attack? You couldn’t remember these either. That’s normal. All is being because of overloading. We live in the same 1 year like in inception. As a result, many of our citizens are beginning to be sure that they can not leave this year. As if it’s always 2016, and then it’s like it will be…”

New year’s good news from government: Salary will be putted on all citizens who have arrived safe to 2017

Turkey, which is preparing to leave behind a long year full of terror, war, coup, assassination, work accidents, fire, natural disaster and murders, is preparing to reward its citizens who have reached 2017 from 2016. Arrangements about “to entitle the veteran to those who have succeeded in reaching to 2017”, which were regarded at the present meeting of the Council of Ministers, will be discussed in the Assembly in the coming days.

The Government Spokesperson pointed out that a citizen who is living especially in metropolitan areas and leaving home in morning also returning to same home in the evening in a single piece into the process we go through, is a success that can not be underestimated. “We have decided as the government, it is the best way to give Veteran title to those who have got achievement motive. They deserve it in any case, ours only give them credit. Let’s see actually, there are 10 days or so, but my wish is that as far as possible citizens can get this title.”

According to the information received, it is planned that the citizens who reach 2017 will be separated into three main groups.

“Group A Veterans” for those who survived as injured from accident or disaster while being direct target,

“Group B Veterans” for those who survived without injured while they were at the area while the event has been, and still in shock,

“Group C Veterans” for those who were not at time of incident, but at the next one have the high possible at there,

“Group D Veterans” for those who are not being into these three veteran groups as the lowest level. The salary grade will be arranged as A>B>C>D.

Turkey citizens are looking for ways with a proper language to transfer the situation to the mainstream media which is still unaware of the images published by ISIS last night.

While the images that were published by ISIS last night and alleged belong to the two soldiers who were martyred in brutally, are creating a bomb effect on the social media, it also brought discussions on the subject that was not be reflected inside the mainstream media in any way yet. Citizens who noticed that the media is not yet aware of the images that almost all of Turkey has talked about about whether it is true or not since yesterday, are looking for a way to express the subject to the media in a proper language.

Instead of strangers, they should hear from us

While the discussing about “to say accustomly, or is it better to say it suddenly?” is continued in social media by citizens, another argument “we wouldn’t say ever and the media would be never upset” come out. But this argument was objected with “if the media will learn the news from others it would be bad, at least we are not strangers to their feelings”.

The opinion that has attracted supporters the most fans so far, has came from a twitter user. He said the following statements in his tweets:

“Those who live near the media buildings go the media by getting some cologne and antianxiety pills. They would try to tell the news to them accustomly without much worrying. Even those who have the opportunity should go in company with the health officials. As a result, some of the journalists may have heart problems, blood pressure problems, or something. God forbid, we would not receive the painful news from them.”

While the support is rising to these proposals, among the news there are the news about the citizens are starting to organize through the social media for visits to media buildings.

Latest news:

>Offering assistance to Russia which lost the airplane, from Turkey: ”We can impose the publication ban…”

>The explanations from TTnet(Turkish internet service provider) on the reactions about slowed down of the internet speed: “If the ones who turned the torrent on would turn it off, it will become fast…”

>Turkey that is tired of terror, hopes to break the vicious cycle with natural disaster…

>TUIK(Turkish Statistical Institute) announced that Turkish men’s complaints about pre-ejaculation were significantly reduced after the slowdown of the Internet…

>The meaningful explanation of the mass who burned the Russian flag five days ago, pre-visit to the embassy: Definitely that was Holland flag…

> While Turkey is not able to enter Twitter with the measures taken following the assassination of the Russian Ambassador, the mystery of all statesmen passing the condolence message from Russia on Twiter can not be solved…

>For those who have not lost their mind yet, the year of 2016 have been extended for 3 months by the decree of the law…

The news were quoted from Zaytung, its link:

http://zaytung.com/index.asp

 

 

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Some Zaytung news

  1. 2016: the year that never ended! And because it didn’t, all men who ejaculated beyond the 365th day of 2016, did so prematurely — by definition!

    And since 2016 now stretches beyond itself toward eternity, this will be the year in which all of mankind’s problems will have been solved. 2017, even if it never comes, then, will therefore be better, that is, in the same way that the afterlife must be in superseding this one!

    May 2016 be the best ever! May it never end, that all the bad things might!

    Liked by 1 person

      • I’m merely echoing what I thought was Zaytung’s clever critique of 2016 having been a particularly bad year by underscoring how tired people are of all the murder and suffering, and consequently that every second that this chaos endures, is a second beyond human endurance and therefore too long, seemingly stretching all of the countless malefactions of 2016 on to forever.

        Even when we have had our fill beyond what we can endure, our elites simply do not let up.

        Time might just as well be standing still.

        Indeed.

        Liked by 1 person

      • It was very obvious that I did not understand your comment, wasn’t it?:) I had said to you before my Earthling friend, next to your most comment, my comments seems like cave pictures:) Yours are kind of philosophical. (Yes, this last sentence was kind of the saving the appearance of an extratrestrial)

        Also I need to reset to this 2016, because this wasn’t a year that an extraterrestrial can endurance too. And yes, I do have some alien tricks for this reset:)

        Like

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