Top breaking news of Star Wars Galaxy Express

I am sure there are many Star Wars fans, who ask themselves “is there any press or newspaper in Star Wars Galaxy?” If there is, why did not we see any Jedi who reads newspaper around until today?(We do not count the picture of Ewan McGregor while he reads newspaper on his motorcycle in movie set) I wonder, the freedom of the press in galaxy was locked by the Dark Force in dark side? After a long research, WD and I discovered that there is a press in the Star Wars Galaxy (of course with the contributions of being from outer space:); but it is underground, and the name of the newspaper is “Star Wars Galaxy Express”. Who wouldn’t want to learn hidden truths about Star Wars Galaxy! We’ve selected-compiled the important news about important events have been publishing in this newspaper of galaxy during decades, for you; and here we are. Even if you are away from a galaxy far, far away, within minutes you will learn some hidden true news about Star Wars galaxy. 😉

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With the order of Emperor Palpatine, the empire committee approved 1 billion empire credits for the Force Wall to be built between Senate District and The Restricted Area

At first time, Palpatine had spoken in a pre-election speech about the Force Wall a year ago:
“When Restricted Area sends its people, they’re not sending best, they’re sending people that have lots of problems… They’re beggars and criminals, and bringing crime.” ; “…nobody builds Force Wall better than me, also nobody should not forget, my interests are the interests of the republic,” and “Make Galaxy Great Again!” …Palpatine’s racist approach leads to criticism, on the other side the separatists…

details of news in page 5…

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Was 11/19 (BBY) Jedi Purge an inside job? Uncovering the Hidden Truths of 11/19 attacks

Did all the attacks become in real like what was shown to us on the screen? How accurate is to put almost all the crime on Anakin? Is there any Jedi who we think still innocent, but who has loyalty to Darth Sidious and has made a power-mingling with him? One of the Stormtrooper who joint to attacks with “Order 66”, said to our microphone: “I have indeed suspecions about some of us, they behaved like Jedi, even if they worn our armor.” Was it possible the great temple of Jedi collopse in a few seconds? The engineer who built Jedi Temple, spoke after the events of 11/19 and he said “I designed the Five Towers of the Jedi Temple durable against the 1000 dark force to hit it. I am not able to understand how it could be detroyed in 5 minutes!” Here some answers…

details of news in page 2…

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The reactions are growing against Obi-Wan Kenobi’s recent tweet that stirred up the social media

After this tweet of Obi-Wan, especially some feminist organizations of Galaxy gave the great reactions. Obi-Wan, after the tweet, while avoiding explaining, especially he avoided to reply the question of “the person you mentioned, was Rey?” He left the question as unanswered. The activist organization that was established immediately after this tweet in today and called themselves “Jedi is Genderless”, announced that they will go out to the streets tomorrow to support the feminists also that they will bury the lightsabers under the ground for action. Obi-Wan Kenobi has not broken his silence yet…

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The shock of tax penalty to Qui-Gon Jinn!

After it turned out that Qui-Gon Jinn was the biggest bettor in Podrace, it was understood that his illegal earnings were invested by an off-shore account at Nar Shaddaa and he did not pay taxes. It is not yet known what the Jedi Order will do in this matter. There is a news that they are looking for a new method to reach Qui-Gon Jinn, which integrates with the force…

details of news in page 4…

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Galactic Force-Bond Agency, GFBA, has declared that their all sub-frequency datas opened to investigation.

The GFBA, which the livings have doubts about its functions for a long time, is on the agenda of the Republic senate. The claims based on message of Kit Fisto who had tried to disclose before he died, but he unfortunatelly was killed before then. Kit Fisto had sent message to the senate just before he died, and had written following these:

“I do not believe that GFBA protects only the Jedi’s communication network, on the contrary, I think they have great control over the private life of the livings in the whole galaxy, not just on the Jedi. I have some evidences about how GFBA has turned into “Big Brother”, and I will make them open.”

The senate, which had the opportunity to free time lately, announced that they would pursue these claims and formed a unit called “GFBA Files”. It was learnt that the leader of team that conducts the research would be Gume Saam…

details of news in page 3…

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Kylo Ren announced to press: ‘We are on to kill him’

He is mentioning about Yoda…

Yoda, who was attempted to be killed several times so far, also in once went forever sleep with his own will, is dead or alive? This question has been on the agenda for about 35 years. According to the latest information, Yoda appears to be hologramically on the screen in this time. In the face of recent claims about Yoda, Kylo Ren said:
“That green little thing is mentally deranged. I will destroy the whole Light side. Nothing will stand in my way. I will finish everything in the galaxy!”

Kylo Ren, who invited Yoda to the duel in anywhere both in the hologram or live in the galaxy, claimed that the days of his experiences about anger control problem are now behind and that he is no longer an adolescent.

Also Kylo Ren has said that he received many scholarship because of his family and that Ataru was a child’s play for him, he continued as follows:

“Yoda, you are dead! You will regret very much when I capture you! I hate you, hate you, hate you!!!…”

…14 reporters of this news, our friends, were murdered by Kylo Ren, and their equipment was crushed. For that reason, you will not find more detailed information about the news inside pages of our newspaper.

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The cause of addiction to Force, has been discovered, and it is not what you think

For parents, a special research file…

Why the Force is bringing too much addiction: due to magnificant effect of lightsaber or wanting to be Jedi or Sith Lord? The ones who used Force even at once, cannot give up; is it because of making show to opposite sex? Why don’t Force Addiction Treatment Centers work good? Midichlorians have a hand into this? No, none of them! The real reason of the Force addiction is inside of this research…

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WD and I will review all the issues of the Star Wars Galaxy Express over the next few months and we will again compile a news report. We are sure that more new details and news will emerge.

 

Some tips for surviving at World War III

 

 

As you know, my dear readers, there’s little time left to World War III. Yesterday I did a lot of research. And as smart, wise and emotionally dog, in here I saw fit to give some tips about the WW3. You ask why? Of course, to save you! Already, if the dogs had not been on this planet, the people wouldn’t have taken even one step!

Anyway, I have to be calm for the sake of Earth!

First of all, Switzerland will be neutral zone again; so going to Switzerland could be a solution before the war. If you couldn’t go and stayed in the middle of war, here is to do list.

Never and never join an alliance which Germany and Turkey are in together. History shows that the result of these two countries’s alliance always defeated. If you are in the military of a country of this alliance, you can change your side, no problem. I don’t think anyone would blame you because of that.

To use Made in China antiaircraft can be dangerous, there is possibility that it explodes in the air without reaching the target. If possible, choose not to use.

If you’re fighting against Japanese, you need to calm down more than usual. Because, you can shoot accidentally someone who wants to make peace. As we know well from Japanese Animes, Japanese are the people who are yelling at the most emotional moments, even in their internal feuds. Be careful, don’t kill that Japanese who may be next hero that will build world peace.

Remember Call of Duty game during the war, and you give priority to use the weapons that you used in the game. When you see many things that you learned from the game, you can be surprised.

Forget Lao Tzu’s words about the philosophical war art. Today, they are not useful. There are more new techniques in today’s. For example, I talk about a technique accepted by the war historians no longer. It’s called “Obi-Wan kick ass technique.” Each of us, we remember final battle scene among Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker at the third episode. How Obi-Wan had won round? By taking high himself! Obi-Wan had warned to Anakin at the last second even with these words:
“It’s over Anakin, I have the high ground!”

This is the proof that you will win if you are high during the combat. If you’re in a flat land, you dig the pit quickly and throw the enemy into it. In any case you find a way to stay high!

Don’t worry about the religions. If you notice that you will be caught by bigot Muslims, immediately you find a circumciser. If you were caught by bigot Christians, then you can say “I was born as Muslim, but I have changed religion, I am Christian now, plus I can help your church with my money”. So, forget the religious rules, the important thing is to survive! Already you think God wants this; if you don’t live, the number of God’s followers will be reduced, and it doesn’t suit his book.

In today, wars are not limited with the fronts anymore. There are also some things you can do from the battlefront when you don’t fight.

As you know, the war makes the rich more richer and makes the poor more poorer. But my friend, you’re not rich! That’s why you battle chest to chest at front! But there are some formulas make you rich on a small scale. For example, you fought all day, in the evening with at least 20 people in the military barrack, of course you can not easily sleep. Evaluate this time! You will immediately go on the internet. You can broadcast the emotional and sorrow videos that you shot within today with combining a song such as “imagine” over YouTube. Video title might be “Brother! This is not your fault; this is not my fault” for example. When the video gets rating record, you can be YouTube rich; of course if you were not dead still during the war.

On the other hand, you can open a signature campaign “the war must end” on change.org. In this way, you can show how sensitive you are, and you might be a hero among the girls.

-Is there any tips for me, WD?
-Oh, here you’re. These all are also valid for you Migo, but you don’t worry yet.
-Why? If there will be war…
-Slow Migo, slow. First of all, if the war breaks out, there are some rules. First of all, active human soldiers fight, after them the retired soldiers will be called, after them the extraterrestrials will be called to the war.
-If I get that call, WD?
-Don’t worry, I am with you Migo, even at the war. Do you think I will leave you alone into the human wars! Kidding me! Already we know that my war videos would be more popular than yours!