Almost everyone in the world has followed the news about the death of Jamal Khashoggi, and still does. I wanted that all of us to see these news with Zaytung’s difference. You know, I’had shared three times the news of Zaytung with you a long time ago. The motto of Zaytung, that has satire and humor news: “Honest, impartiality, immoral news.” Zaytung made a lot of satire news about Khashoggi murder. I’ve chosen some of them(because I do not have too much time), and I’ve translated them into English as much as I can.
Also, do you know, Saudi Arabia criminalized humor, 5 year prison term for posting satire to social media in September 4, 2018, my earthling friends? The administration of Saudi Arabia needs to understand that even if they think to prevent everything as much as they want in Saudi Arabia, they cannot prevent all over the world. Someone in another place on the planet will continue to criticize their management in the most beautiful way, so by satire and humor. However, if they think that there is no such thing as bad advertising, it is an another issue, haha!
And here some Zaytung news about Khashoggi murder.
It was announced that the wireless contact lost with some of the police officers who entered the Consulate of Saudi Arabia for making search. At the Istanbul Police Department anxious wait continues...
Saudi Arabia shared the images of the giant meat grinder, which the Jamal Khashoggi accidentally fallen into during the melee at the consulate….
Really, it is a great misfortune
Saudi Arabia Foreign Minister Adel Al-Jubeyr, at a press conference, shared his sorrow due to Khashoggi’s death and said, “It is a great misfortune that a simple melee will end in such a terrible way. When he was pushed, his foot slips and accidentally falls into the giant meat grinder that is running at that moment; but the machine kept working. It’s really incredible, but once if human’s time comes to end… Anyway, again sorry for our loss.”
Machine was dismissed
While Jubeyr was emphasising that the machine was dismissed and brought to Saudi Arabia, he said that after then the trial, the machine will probably face the penalty of death. Also by adding, “This punishment will send a strong message to other meat grinders. We also made the necessary warnings to our staff. Henceforth, it is strictly forbidden to scuffle and joke around these machines. There will not be even a small concession on this issue,” he gave messages to ease to the world public.
With Khashoggi murder, Turkey which reaches good ratings in world wide will release the rest of the investigation for a fee on the internet…
…The Presidential Spokesman stated that they are working on infrastructure works of a Netflix-like platform with the subscription system that about to be completed. In addition, he gave the good news that the channel will begin broadcasting also in British and Arabic very soon on InvestigationHD.Turkiye.Gov.tr, web page.
While spokesman was saying that those who want to follow Khashoggi investigation can get the latest information and shocking images before anyone for a small fee like $ 5 per month by subscribing to the channel, also added, “Believe me, you will not regret. Because we have more weird informations. I can tell you the images we watched so far is nothing. What they did with the body, what happened at the farm, the shock images from the trunk of the vehicle, all of them and more are coming in investigationHD!”…
I would like to express my most sincere thanks to the appreciative people, who thought to give me Carl von Ossietzky Prize, the year of 1993.
To be deemed worthy of the award which was drawn up in the name of Carl von Ossietzky who has passed his 49 years very short life with struggle for democracy, human rights and peace, is an unique honor for me.
I bow respectfully to the memory of Carl von Ossietzky, who spent his youth in the concentration camps where were ignored even the living which is the most natural human right, for the sake of human rights, and who died in a corner of hospital due to the tuberculosis.
My dear audience, now to you, I will read the letter I’ve wrote to my big brother Carl von Ossietzky who is 16 years older(*) than me and the citizen of the world by knowing that it will never reach to his hand.
Dearest Carl von Ossietzky,
I would love to give you good news from this beautiful world where my sojourn time decreased, but as a matter of fact, despite all my optimism, unfortunately I will not be able to give you good and beatiful news from our world.
Which one I would tell you, dear Ossietzky?
People have started to value the human rights more than the times when you lived in the world. It needs to be pleased, doesn’t it? But you do not be happy right now; actually it doesn’t like that at all. While the people are becoming more aware of the value of human rights, the ones who ignore and who are against human rights continue to the human rights violation by applying new methods that they discovered. These new methods are ensuring the violation of human rights, while they are seeming to protect and defend human rights. The most dramatic aspect of these new methods is that the people whose rights are violated, are not aware of who violated, and also even they are not aware of whether their rights are violated or not.
Dear Carl von Ossietzky,
We have learned from you what human rights are and how they could be obtained. We owe a lot to you. We now know that as same as human rights can be violated in the behaviors of the individual against the individual, the human rights are violated in the individual’s behavior against the society or in the society’s behavior against individual. Today, the most talked controversial issue is the behavior of the states or governments’ behavior which is against human rights, on their citizens. Today, those times when a state that was in violation of human rights could say “you can not interfere to my internal affairs, I do what I want to do on my citizens,” to the other states which were respectful to the human rights, have passed already. However, today, human rights are being violated by the new methods that I have mentioned without being noticed, by the states.
I am, as being a writer of one of the countries which were called as “the third world” before the period of unipolar globalization called the new world order, and nowadays which are known as “underdeveloped” or “developing”, as being a writer of Turkey, I feel such states’ acts against the state, their acts against the human rights until my bones and marrow. The human rights of the people and intellectuals of the countries like my country, are being violated by the countries which are considered as civilize, supposed high-tech countries, modern civilization countries and the countries that experienced the industrial revolution on time. Thanks to the newly discovered violation ways of human rights, even the people whose rights are violated would not know it. Except this, the people and intellectuals of the state that violated human rights of an another state, do not know their state have violated the human rights of the citizens of an another state; only their government officials and politicians know.
I can show the concrete examples for what I said. But I prefer to talk in general instead of giving the concrete examples.
Supposing that, the country A is backward or was left in backward, or it is one of the countries which is underdeveloped or developing. In this A country, both individually and socially human rights are being violated. Even in A country, human rights are being violated based on the laws.
The countries X, Y and Z, which respect human rights, naturally do not remain silent on the situation of A country. On the grounds that A country is violated human rights, the political and economic relations of the X, Y and Z countries with A country, have been deteriorated.
However in some day we see that, the broken realitionship of X country with A country suddenly has been fixed. Not only X country, also the countries Y and Z can suddenly improve/fix their relationships with A country.
Well, while the human rights violations are still the same as before in country A, even the rights are violated based on the laws, which reason it might be the reason for changing relationships of X, Y and Z countries which are thought to be respectful of human rights, with country A?
The answer of these questions should be found by today’s intellectual with thinking.
These reasons are the following events which are seemed as if they do have no realitionship with human rights:
The country X will set up a factory in the country A. The country Y will build a bridge in the country A. The country Z will sell the airplane to the country A.
A factory, a bridge, a weapon sale tender, these cause to forget human rights of the high technology and civilization countries which seem to be respectful to human rights. Neither the people and intellectuals of the counties X, Y, Z nor the people and intellectuals of the backward country A, are aware of all these, also thanks to the media.
Dearest Carl von Ossietzky,
It seems that to establish world peace, to actualize the democracy and democratization, to apply human rights in full, for all them our work is much more difficult than before. Because the people and the intellectuals of both the cheating countries and cheated countries, are deceived without their notice. The number of those who are not deceived and can see the truths, is decreasing day by day. Because every superior concept such as high technology, contemporary science, art and philosophy are in the hands of the opposite party and in their service.
Dear Carl von Ossietzky,
I am sorry that I was not able to give you good news from our world on the 45th anniversary of the Declaration of Human Rights while I am taking this award which was drawn up in the name of you. The human rights violations I have mentioned above, have not took a part yet in the Human Rights Declaration. I do not believe that this distorted order will change as long as the politicians and administrators who represent the biggest states, remain as the secret human rights violators.
There isn’t any hope? Is there no light at all? As long as there are those who see the truth and those who investigate the causes of the events, even if their numbers are few, there is hope. A tiny spark can produce very big fires, it could be causing a great light. We have no remedy other than hope.
With my warmest regards, I express my thanks, dear Ossietzky.
December 7, 1993 Tesvikiye, Istanbul
(*) Aziz Nesin birth date is 1915, Carl von Ossietzky birth date is 1889
Aziz Nesin was a great humorist and satirist of Turkish literature, and political activist. If some one asks me, “who made you laugh too much on this planet?”, I can give his name in my top five list. His life has passed with struggle. He has been always against wrong managements. When looking his life we see that he never gave up. And his readers always esteemed/esteem his value. After more than 100 books (many of them has been translated into over thirty languages) poems, novels, short stroies and theatre works, after many awards from many countries such as Italy, Bulgaria, Russia, Germany, after built Nesin Mathematics Village in Sirince county Izmir where more than 100 children learn math with enjoyable ways by avoiding fear of failure on Math every year, and after so after many beauties he left behind, he left this planet in 1995.
His struggle life can be explaned with many time he was put in jail due to his political ideas, and in one time, he was tried to kill by burning in Madimak, Sivas city of Turkey in 1993. Madimak massacre is a kind of black stain in Turkey’s history. Same day, 33 poets, writer and folk artists have been killed by burning in Madimak Hotel by bigot Islamists mob. Aziz Nesin narrowly escaped a lynching attempt and death, while he was tried to run away from hotel fire.
There is a describing in English wikipedia page of Aziz Nesin: “Nesin supposedly provided a strong indictment of the oppression and brutalization of the common man. He satirized bureaucracy and “exposed economic inequities in stories that effectively combine local color and universal truths”.
Aziz Nesin is describing the art, artist, and humor in the interview of Journalist Zeynep Oral, Milliyet news paper Art Magazine. 
When it comes to humor, I have to say from the beginning that I understand the functional humor which serves a function for the people’ benefits. The factor which drove me to the humorous writing was the conditions of that day’s environment. In short, I say; Humor is often deprivation and poverty, the anger which comes from life, furiousness, the way of putting forth own grudge. Of course each person who has difficulty would not be humorous with every painful condition, but these severe conditions improve one’s humorous ability. Humor is a destructive, as can be understood from the individual condition necessary for the growth of humor. If humorous can direct his disappointment, hatred, anguish, grudge to the goal which needs to be destroyed in real, and if humorous can use his/her humor weapon for people’ benefit, it becomes a positive destructive.
Each writer who has the class conscious knows that he is self-guided, motivated by ownself unavoidably. Any politicians, any directors cannot direct to a writer who has the class consciousness. The function of art? I do have the different ideas which do not fit with the others. On the condition that the artist identifies himself with his own class, the artist needs to reveal the function of art with self-exclusion and self-existence by reaching himself. Because of he is identified with his class, while he tells about himself, he tells about his class.
I don’t like to use “was, were” in past tense for some great humans, after their bodies left this planet. It’s not about accepting or denying death. Because, even if their physical existences aren’t here, they do have still power on laughing or thinking. Aziz Nesin still makes me laugh when he makes me think with his works. That’s why, I’d like to use “is” for him, because he is one of the greatest humorists and satirists which the mankind could see.
I hope that for those who have not known Aziz Nesin yet, Carl von Ossietzky reward he has received also his letter, and what I have conveyed (which is in fact, these are only one percent of his life) has been enough for now. I know that this planet is such a beautiful place with such beautiful people and their works. Also, I hope that the people’s awareness will increase day by day, as same as in the letter of Aziz Nesin to Carl von Ossietzky: “We have no remedy other than hope,” for now.
PS: As you can guess my Earthling friends, the speech and letter of Aziz Nesin to Carl von Ossietzky were translated in English by myself from this page of Nesin Foundation. There wasn’t English version on that page or web. I guess, except Turkish there is another one and it’s in Deutsche, if I find that one, I will add here later. You know, I have got flu in these days, and I have tried to do my best. I hope all translated parts have been clear and understandable. And yes, I’ve devoted myself to the humans’ benefit with making kind of translate works while I am sick, by ignoring all complaints of WD. 🙂
I had made two posts before about Zaytung news. My Earthling friends already know what are Zaytung news. But for the others I should make an explanation about Zaytung. Zaytung is a Turkish web-page which is making humor, black humor and satire news. Zaytung banner has got these terms about itself “Honest, impartial, immoral news.” But sometimes, some real events can occur that can be equal with Zaytung news. And for them there is describing in Turkish as “like Zaytung news”. And here some of Zaytung news for last weeks.
While speaking the state of emergency, coup attempt and crisis, the belief about entering 2017 of Turkey which started to talk about the mobilization now, is getting weaker.
After President Erdogan’s announcement in today, the citizens who found themselves in the conversations about mobilized, are confused. The hopes of the millions who are trying to finish the year of 2016 which is passing as thorny, are getting weaker, also the expectations have been drawn back the level of the watching the new season of Survivor.
The last days are not passing
Turkey which has been living in the state of emergency for a while, said hello to the mobilization agenda as of today. Citizens, who have succeeded to reach the middle of December by fitting the events which can be experienced in 30 years in any country on the world, into 11 months, they are trying to prepare themselves for a forever life inside of 2016, while losing their faith about the finish of 2016 at the last remaining 15 days.
While the experts call this situation ‘Inception syndrome’, Turkish Psychiatric Association President Ayhan Oztunca listed the relevant determinations as follows:
“Honestly, when asking “how long the state of emergency has been resuming”, the people cannot give a clear answer. How much time has passed since last year is blurred. The brains of some of them spread their lives in 2016 to 20 years. Please test yourself immediately, at the begining of 2016 Ahmet Davutoglu was the prime minister. Did you remember, the smiling man with the glasses. You couldn’t remember, could you? Well, how many explosions have been into last 1 year? Or, when was the airport attack? You couldn’t remember these either. That’s normal. All is being because of overloading. We live in the same 1 year like in inception. As a result, many of our citizens are beginning to be sure that they can not leave this year. As if it’s always 2016, and then it’s like it will be…”
New year’s good news from government: Salary will be putted on all citizens who have arrived safe to 2017
Turkey, which is preparing to leave behind a long year full of terror, war, coup, assassination, work accidents, fire, natural disaster and murders, is preparing to reward its citizens who have reached 2017 from 2016. Arrangements about “to entitle the veteran to those who have succeeded in reaching to 2017”, which were regarded at the present meeting of the Council of Ministers, will be discussed in the Assembly in the coming days.
The Government Spokesperson pointed out that a citizen who is living especially in metropolitan areas and leaving home in morning also returning to same home in the evening in a single piece into the process we go through, is a success that can not be underestimated. “We have decided as the government, it is the best way to give Veteran title to those who have got achievement motive. They deserve it in any case, ours only give them credit. Let’s see actually, there are 10 days or so, but my wish is that as far as possible citizens can get this title.”
According to the information received, it is planned that the citizens who reach 2017 will be separated into three main groups.
“Group A Veterans” for those who survived as injured from accident or disaster while being direct target,
“Group B Veterans” for those who survived without injured while they were at the area while the event has been, and still in shock,
“Group C Veterans” for those who were not at time of incident, but at the next one have the high possible at there,
“Group D Veterans” for those who are not being into these three veteran groups as the lowest level. The salary grade will be arranged as A>B>C>D.
Turkey citizens are looking for ways with a proper language to transfer the situation to the mainstream media which is still unaware of the images published by ISIS last night.
While the images that were published by ISIS last night and alleged belong to the two soldiers who were martyred in brutally, are creating a bomb effect on the social media, it also brought discussions on the subject that was not be reflected inside the mainstream media in any way yet. Citizens who noticed that the media is not yet aware of the images that almost all of Turkey has talked about about whether it is true or not since yesterday, are looking for a way to express the subject to the media in a proper language.
Instead of strangers, they should hear from us
While the discussing about “to say accustomly, or is it better to say it suddenly?” is continued in social media by citizens, another argument “we wouldn’t say ever and the media would be never upset” come out. But this argument was objected with “if the media will learn the news from others it would be bad, at least we are not strangers to their feelings”.
The opinion that has attracted supporters the most fans so far, has came from a twitter user. He said the following statements in his tweets:
“Those who live near the media buildings go the media by getting some cologne and antianxiety pills. They would try to tell the news to them accustomly without much worrying. Even those who have the opportunity should go in company with the health officials. As a result, some of the journalists may have heart problems, blood pressure problems, or something. God forbid, we would not receive the painful news from them.”
While the support is rising to these proposals, among the news there are the news about the citizens are starting to organize through the social media for visits to media buildings.
>Offering assistance to Russia which lost the airplane, from Turkey: ”We can impose the publication ban…”
>The explanations from TTnet(Turkish internet service provider) on the reactions about slowed down of the internet speed: “If the ones who turned the torrent on would turn it off, it will become fast…”
>Turkey that is tired of terror, hopes to break the vicious cycle with natural disaster…
>TUIK(Turkish Statistical Institute) announced that Turkish men’s complaints about pre-ejaculation were significantly reduced after the slowdown of the Internet…
>The meaningful explanation of the mass who burned the Russian flag five days ago, pre-visit to the embassy: Definitely that was Holland flag…
> While Turkey is not able to enter Twitter with the measures taken following the assassination of the Russian Ambassador, the mystery of all statesmen passing the condolence message from Russia on Twiter can not be solved…
>For those who have not lost their mind yet, the year of 2016 have been extended for 3 months by the decree of the law…
In the early hours of today, a hashtag was opened on twitter. Hashtag “UFOattacktoTurkey”. In about an hour, this twitter hashtag rised to number one in the world trend. Within a couple of hours, many twitter users around the world have supposed this news was true. But in fact, it was only a few Turks planned movement that has trolled the world.
The group in the background of the event is a group from Turkey which is called “goygoyrail” -goygoy means kind of chatty-. Before today, the group had already announced on their social account that it will do it. They said that shortly: “Without insulting anyone, we will pretend to see UFOs in every city, and we will send tweets on this subject. And we will troll the whole world.”
Certainly they have been successful. They have been number 1 on the twitter trend all over the world in a couple hours. In Turkey, this subject has been taken as humor and entertainment, however it seems that a lot of people on planet Earth have taken it seriously. Here are a few tweet examples from Turkey:
SON DAKİKA: Suriye'lilere verilen imkanları duyan uzaylılar Türkiye vatandaşı olmak için başvuru yaptılar. #ufoattacktoturkey
In English: If aliens invade Turkey, Azerbaijan people are ready to help to the Turkey
And some of them except Turkey think that this is true news and it is being cencored:
#ufoattacktoturkey trending around the world and #twitter is #censoring — #ufoattacktoturkey was trending globally on twitter, now it’s censored. there are reports of similar lights from texas, denver and the uk.
As a result, I agree with CHP deputy Aykut Erdogdu as partial. It seems that the people of Turkey are going through national insanity. But into these insane situations of the world, it probably may be to try protecting mental health with this way, in funniest way, haha!
In February 2013, Sweden commander-in-chief of the armed forces, Sverker Göranson, had said that Sweden’s scaled backed military leaves the country vulnerable. As he claimed Sweden could only defend itself for one week if it came under attack. Also, if a war would be between Sweden and Russia, Sweden needs to be in NATO, according to him.
After this statement,
In March 1, 2013, the controversial admission of Sweden’s dwindling military capacity has been seized upon by Russian national television in a sketch on the satirical programme Yesterday Live. Featuring the melody of Abba’s hit song Mamma Mia, the parody shows a man who appears to be masquerading as Göranson as he makes an impassioned plea about the imminent threat from the east.
Whenever I see this show, I am laughing. As the singer pointed at the end of the clip, this is humor. Already the Swedish people who made the comment below this video on youtube, they seem that they showed understanding. Especially in these days which the west lived fear of a war with Russians I thought that this clip would be very appropriate. I don’t know how many of you have watched this clip. If you didn’t watch yet, I hope you would like it, my Earthling friends. And the most impressive expression of this song has been the last words for me. When you watch you will see what I meant.
Also, who says that Russians don’t know good humor 🙂
In 1991, with the collapse of Soviet Union, some Lenin and Stalin monuments and statues or busts were removed from their places and some of them were sent to trash. One Lenin bust(wooden) had come to Bolu city, Akcakoca town, Turkey, so come ashore. Obviously, his bust had similar features with Lenin. Becuase it is not easy to pass over Black Sea! Normally a good swimmer cannot swim over Black Sea along.
According to the newspaper archives on the net, those days in 1991, this event had been news at world public. Even diplomatic traffic experienced between Turkey and Russia, on what will be the future of this bust. And they decided Lenin bust could stay in it’s new home, Bolu, Akcakoca.
During these passing years, Lenin bust stayed in municipal storehouse of Akcakoca. In 2009, the mayor of that period had said that they will exhibit the bust. But it stay in the storehouse still.
Yesterday about this subject, there was a new news. Turkish writer Baris Bicakci and director Tufan Tastan announced that they have written a screenplay about Lenin bust story (kind of black humor) and shooting movie will start for the coming days. The name of movie: “You, me, Lenin”.
According to story of movie, when the Lenin statue is put at the town square, the lives of villagers are changing. I cannot imagine how conservative people can live with Lenin bust. This movie is probably satire story 🙂 In fact maybe with this way, the unfinished story of the Lenin bust would be completed.
The other side, when I heard this news in first time, I remembered the Underwater Museum at Cape Tarkhankut, Crimea. (While I was saying “remembered”, I didn’t see the museum, I remember its pictures:)) There is a valley at the underwater museum, “leaders valley”. Another Lenin statue also is at there.
I am wondering, if Lenin wooden bust at Turkey passed near by the Lenin statue at underwater museum, while it was coming to Turkey. What did they say to each other? I don’t know, sad story, maybe they said with each other “goodbye Lenin”; I don’t know.